“This feels like the beginning of a teen movie.”


“I said, ‘This feels like the beginning of a teen movie.’”

“But, like, what do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said! I mean, look at us!”


“You’re literally wearing paint stained jeans and your hair is magenta, and I’ve got on a Goodwill shirt and a nose ring!”


“And what are we doing?”

“Uh, sitting?”

“Yeah… on a park bench? Eating salad from a local vendor?”

“… What’s your point?”

“I mean that’s the kind of stuff you’d see in a teen movie. Like, the two moody teenagers who are too good for this world contemplating the meaning of their feeble existence?”

“I guess…”

“Seriously. We literally are in a John Green novel.”

“Except not really.”

“Why not? We’re way too good for this world. You and I don’t deserve the shit we get everyday.”

“What shit?”

“‘What shit?’ Whatcha mean, ‘What shit?’ Have you seen what happens when we walk around campus? I mean, like, hello, I’m not the wall, I do exist!”

“Dude, you’re so stupid.”

“Why am I stupid?”

“Because… you’re stupid. Look, can we talk about something different? I just wanna eat my salad.”

“No, really, now I need to know. Why am I the stupid one? You and me are the ones who are gonna escape this hell-hole and actually do something with our lives. The rest of them are gonna peak in high school.”


“No, really. Seriously. Those stupid football players are gonna be working for us when we’re famous! Aren’t you ready for that!”

“Dude, seriously–”

“I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when I land my first acting role. When you publish your first novel! When we’re both on talk shows and–”

“DUDE. Shut. Up.”

“WHY? Why should I?”


“Those bullies deserve-”

“They’re not the only bullies.


“Look at us, man! We’re here, sitting on a park bench, discussing how ready we are to see them fail later. If anything, we’re the ones who’re gonna peak in high school.”

“… Why?”

“Dude, look at us. An aspiring actor and a wanna-be writer. At least most of their goals in highschool shift from their hobbies to work that makes money. Maybe we ARE too much like John Green characters: pretentious assholes. That’s who we are. Pretentious assholes who only care about how they’re gonna get back at other assholes. Yeah, so maybe we like getting our salad from a food truck, but that doesn’t make us cool! SALAD IS SALAD. So maybe we like eating in a park. BIG WHOOP. Parks exist, we’re so cool. And who gives a shit that I have pink hair and you have a nose ring? It’s fashion! Okay, yeah, so maybe we’re like John Green characters: pretentious, nonchalant, annoying, and morose… but I kinda wanna be nice sometime… Maybe we’ve been damaged, but that doesn’t make us wise.”



“… You wanna get some dessert?”

“Sure. There’s an ice cream truck around the corner.”

“Sounds good…Oh, hey.”


“That was a Heathers quote, right?”