woman

Painting by Katherine Elizabeth Jackson.

I fell in love in cold weather.
Three times.
Like my psychic told me.

When the first time came
I felt ELATED.
He told me he felt the connection
I felt that I got what I DESERVED.
I began painting
I felt that I was RIPE.
It lasted a month.
I felt that I was WRONGED
It ended with Instagram.
I felt that I was WORTHLESS
My cat died
I felt ALONE.
I disrespected my body for months after
Because I didn’t respect it before.
When the second time came
I felt SCARED.
He thought I was pretty
I felt ADDICTED.
We had sex often
I felt MATURE.
I met his best friends
I felt ADORED.
There was no commitment
I felt SEPARATED.
Arguments or no communication
I felt UNIMPORTANT.
I cut off close friends and isolated myself
I felt UNKNOWN TO MYSELF.
I rushed to know someone else without
Knowing myself. I was still unaware of my true sexuality and all the love that I carry.
The third time came short after.
In the time I had taken trying to move past my latest heartbreak, I had removed most everyone from my life and was attempting to love myself and know who I was as an INDIVIDUAL. I refrained from doing anything to my body that I knew was to fill a man-made hole in myself, and that would only be destructive, not helpful.
I cut out meat, I put in tea and exercise.
I spoke my mind and accepted my sexual feelings towards all genders. I walked alone and gave equal love to all. I had EVOLVED.
But I rushed into another relationship
I felt COMPLETE.
I thought that monogamy was still my missing piece
I felt IN CONTROL.
I still wanted a partner in crime
I felt CLEVER.
But you know me too well
FRIENDSHIP.
You told me to let go of my pain
EQUAL.
You said to love all the same
TRUTH.
You respect me
GOD.
You named me the Phoenix
REBIRTH.
And you’re in my heart as I walk the Earth
FREEDOM.
You’re in my heart when the demons come
FULFILLED.
And now I am whole
FATHER.

Katherine Elizabeth Jackson is a 19 year old from Long Beach, California. You can find them at their tumblr blog.