margins_wheniwasyoungIllustration by Marie-Anne Dt. 

 

We had everything we thought we would need to ever be happy
School was a drag and the days were long
But we had each other

I think the thing about growing up is that you can see the before and the after
You can see the young and then you can see the old
I didn’t really understand that until my mother asked me
“do you think when she died you felt like you weren’t a child any more?”
Someone should give my mother an award
I was 14 but somehow I wasn’t young anymore
I was no longer free, floating
but tied down to the earth around me

I wish we could all be young forever
Flying like peter pan
Running on newly grown grass
Blowing the bubbles in each others faces
Kissing our parents goodnight

Being alone wasn’t something we ever had to worry about
When we were young we sucked on ice blocks
and climbed trees
and went to the beach at 4 in the morning
I miss the safety of it

I miss being tucked into bed
and ice cream and pancakes for breakfast on my birthday
I miss telling my friends everything
I miss not being afraid,
my innocence,
my youth

They say that nostalgia is a liar; making the memories better than they really were
and maybe that’s true but I’d give a lot to have a few more years of it
There is a kind of magic in ignorance after all

When you were young the sun would rise in the morning
and set in the evening
Now the moon takes its place with a familiar blanket of darkness
When you were young everything tasted sweet and sticky
Now nothing ever tastes good as you think it will
When you were young there was always the possibility of tomorrow
But now the days feel like a wash, rinse and repeat cycle

It didn’t take us long to get from there to here
We inhaled for the smallest of seconds
and our whole world changed
We weren’t allowed to be young any more
We didn’t know how

But I think we have been learning since then
About each other
and ourselves
About how to feel young again even if our hearts feel old

I loved you when you were young
I loved who we were
I loved who we were going to be
I am learning to love who we are now