They say my head is like a broken television.
It’s full of static and disjointed colors.
It seems like my channels are bleeding together.

And so I went to the head doctor.

“Have you tried jiggling the knob?”

“The knob?”

“The knob.”

“I don’t…I think it’s broken.”

“Ah, broken. It’s just a minor blip, I’m sure. A clear signal will come through any day now.”

“I think my receptors are broken.”

“Broken, huh. When did that happen?”

“My model is…faulty, sir.”

“A faulty model? Well that’s fine, that’s fine, your warranty should cover a replacement.”

“The warranty only covers new parts.”

“That’ll do just as fine. I’ll see you in a month’s time.”

I pick up my new parts at the store the next day.
They rattle in their box.

I lose my remote sometimes.
They want to know how, how does one lose their remote so frequently?

“How? The same way one would lose their keys.”

They are too busy for this.

“I lost it by accident. I had it by me and then it disappeared.”

“Be more careful next time, okay? We don’t have the time to spend all day looking for your remote.”

It fell between the crack between two sofa cushions.
I pressed a few buttons.
Nothing happened.
The batteries are dead.

I walked by a store a week later.
“New and improved models available here, get yours today!”

I entered.
The place was mobbed.

“Excuse me, is this the line for the new model?”

It was.

I reached the front of the line and they took my money.
They ripped my head from my shoulders.
The static stopped.

“Please pick your new model, ma’am, there are others waiting.”

I couldn’t see a thing.
I chose the first model my blind hand touched.
I placed it atop the bloodied stump of my neck.

The news came on, then the weather.
I left the store.

“How is everything? The new model seems to be working well for you.”

“It’s very bright, everything is in high definition.”

“That’s excellent news. I’m glad to hear everything is better.”

“Absolutely.”

I walked outside.
The colors were very bright.
Everything was in high definition.

My channels no longer bleed together.
Now all I see are blue skies and happy faces.
And if one of those faces should happen to glitch,
well it’s nothing a few shakes of the monitor can’t fix.